‘I kissed ’em all,’ confesses Joan Vassos, 61
June 25, 2024, Moorpark, California. It was a festive afternoon when a compact crowd gathered in a small, comfortable vintage theater in Moorpark, an hour north of Los Angeles, to tape a segment for the second episode of The Golden Bachelorette (streaming on Hulu; new episodes Wednesdays on ABC).
The nine guys vying for the hand of the first-ever Golden Bachelorette, Joan Vassos, 61, took their places onstage one after the other to woo her in a talent show. It was like a high-risk high dive into the reality TV talent pool, and everybody seemed nervous.
Joan had a way to warm them up and make even the losers feel like winners: smooching them
“The first night, I kissed ’em all, practically,” said Joan, sitting at a shaded picnic table outside the theater. “For the guys that went home, I felt like I needed to have a little conversation with each of them, so they didn’t go home feeling like they didn’t win. The fact that they were there — you made it on to the show — that already shows you were a winner. You were brave enough to try out. You gave it your all, and you made these amazing friends.
“I really am giving each one of them as much time as I can to learn about them,” Joan added. “They’re presenting, they’re making themselves vulnerable. They want me to pick them. Rejection is hard, and certainly not something I like to do. I’ve never dated more than one person at a time, so this is new territory for me — being the hurt-er and not the hurtee.”
She’s beloved by AARP readers as well as golden bachelors
Joan presided over the contest with the charm, beauty and social graces that won the hearts of AARP readers when she appeared briefly on last year’s Golden Bachelor (she left to tend to her ailing daughter, who was suffering from postpartum depression but is now fine). When AARP teamed up with Katie Couric Media and asked readers to vote on who they thought should become the Golden Bachelorette, she was one of the top three choices.
The men revealed their talents (or not) onstage
Arrayed in theater seats just a few feet from the stage, the contestants gave the other entrants encouraging back pats or handshakes on their way to the stage, applauding the frankly not always brilliant performances — retired banking CEO Michael, 65, who recited his own verse, isn’t going to give onetime U.S. poet laureate Billy Collins any competition — and welcoming one another back to their seats with warmth (and a few muttered witticisms).
Jack proved he’s not a puppet master
Caterer Jack, 68, did a terrible sock puppet show with self-deprecating comic patter. “I’ve never been the brightest star in the sky,” he said onstage, though his personality certainly brightened everybody’s mood. “You know, the last puppet show I saw was Shari Lewis, and that was in the ’60s. You should Google that, somebody, because it was really funny at that time, and somebody came out and punched him. Who punches somebody for snoring?” Nobody punched Jack, though few found his bit funny.
Charles K. de-aged himself onstage
Portfolio manager Charles K., 62, had perhaps the most original gambit, making a point about the aging process by laboring out of his seat and walking onstage as if infirm in his limbs and movements — then presenting himself with vigor. “Coming out the way I did,” Charles explained after his act, “I think the message there was that, as we age, we tend to age in our limbs and our ligaments and so on. But then I also want to show that even in our golden years, we’re still strong and vibrant and we have runway to go — and we can do it with strength and vitality.” A good point many AARP members can applaud.
The French lost by a hair
Frenchman Pascal, 69, a hairdresser who brought a mannequin head as a prop, won little applause, unnerving some in the audience with his flying scissors work on a wig on the mannequin’s head. He might be entertaining while cutting an actual customer’s hair, but he finally drew a slightly admonishing instruction from the show’s host, Jesse Palmer, to wrap his spiel up. Basically he got the hook, like a vaudeville performer whose act has overstayed its welcome.
The ribbon dance was the hit of the evening, especially for Joan
Some of the performances had genuine appeal, like that of private investor Dan, 64, who did what he called “the ribbon dance.” He looked nervous, and his hands were shaking — but the shaking was from a tremor, thanks to a near-fatal bout of diabetes nine years ago. He’s got the diabetes under control now, but the tremor won’t go away. So instead of trying to hide it, he made it part of the act, making that red ribbon shimmy and doing a highly charming spiel: “You guys laugh, but you don’t know how serious this is. I mean, I’ve spent minutes this morning training for this! I’m not nervous — I have a little bit of a tremor. So when I looked at these [ribbons], I’m like, ‘This is perfect for my shaky hands!’ So this is for you, Joan.”
Score! Dan won the talent show hands down, and a dinner with Joan. She was far from fazed by the fact that when she holds his hand, it won’t be as steady as his heart and mind are. She admired not only his courage, but his wit and willingness to be a bit silly to win her over.
Also admiring Dan were a pair of 20-ish female fans who saw him sit down at a picnic table just steps from the set with a drink (it was amber, and he’d revealed in Episode 1 that he likes a bourbon). They hustled up for a moment, just as the interview with AARP began, then beat a giddy retreat amid embarrassed laughter — but lingered nearby. Everybody is attracted to a golden bachelor, it seems.
Romance should be playful, Joan believes
“I wanted the fun factor to him — just have fun and be goofy and be playful,” Joan told AARP. “I hadn’t seen that from him. I’d seen vulnerability, the serious side, and then he came up into the goofy ribbon thing, which then [became] a ribbon my wrist.”
Act your age — but why be so serious?
“At this age, a lot of people don’t feel comfortable doing what you feel is undignified or silly,” said Joan. “You don’t want to be childish, but it’s OK for somebody with confidence in themselves.”
Joan applauded all the guys
“They didn’t seem very nervous,” she told AARP. “They came out there, and they were superconfident.”
Even the chatterbox bon vivant Jack admitted he wasn’t as chill as Joan thought. “I had a lot of nervousness — shaking, my knees were weak,” he said after his act bombed.
“With the guys there all in the front row, I was trying to give them confidence,” Vassos said, “because I remember when I was sitting in the row like that. I was trying to look at them, like, ‘Emit confidence, and go be funny.’ I thought that since I had stage fright when I was in their shoes on The Golden Bachelor, everybody had stage fright. Apparently, that’s not true. They were all full of personality.”
Reality television helps you conquer your fears
Even Jack, who’s better as a chef than puppeteer, told AARP the show lent him new assurance. Joan said she had the same experience on The Golden Bachelor: “I felt, well, I can do that scary thing that I was really, really, really nervous about, that I’ve been nervous about for, like, my whole life. Now I’m fine. I just needed that one time when you have to do it: You chose to be on the show, and you can’t get up and out. I had to do it, and it cured that for me.”
Joan felt guilty as well as lucky
She said she absolutely hated having to reject so many men. “I feel guilty that I couldn’t choose all of them. It’s like I’m choosing one kid to be my favorite. Those rose ceremonies are torturous, because I’m sending people home,” she added with a deep lean forward for emphasis, “but they’re gonna go back to the mansion and have a good time with each other. They didn’t get a one-on-one date, but they’re gonna have a good night.”
It’s not just about the romance competition — it’s about male bonding
“We’ve been in a hotel together, in the mansion together — no TV, no phones,” said Charles. “So we talk about intimate things of our lives and how we all got to this place, whether it’s the loss of a spouse through expiration or by divorce. Or it’s [about] children, or family. And with that, you have a connection, and by default, you root for the next man.”
The camaraderie is something else, Jack told AARP. “We got a captain from a ship, we got a guy that cuts hair like you wouldn’t believe. What the hell, we had a fireman. We had just about every walk of life. Then” — here he framed himself with palms open, chest-high — “you got a cook.”
Joan told AARP that ultimately, the shows are about love, not humiliating rejection, for most contestants. “I was only on the show for a week, and I talk to every one of those 21 women all the time. We are great friends. So no matter what happens, you won. And you know that the nation knows who you are now, and you’re out there.”
Joan explains the main thing she learned from being on ‘The Golden Bachelor’ and ‘The Golden Bachelorette’
“So — you’re gonna find love.”
