Another Friday the 13th is upon us, and with it comes memories of Jason Voorhees shooting a harpoon gun in 3-D… that time my brand-new Schwinn Varsity 10-speed got stolen off of best friend Keith’s front lawn… and, you know, just general triskaidekaphobia.
Friday the 13th is famously associated with bad luck (I saved for months for that bike!), and that got us thinking about TV characters who Just. Can’t. Seem to. Catch. A break.
You probably know a magnet for misery or two from your channel surfing. There often is that one character to whom all (or at least, many of) the bad things happen. A hero is only as good as the threats he faces, the saying goes, but man, these incredibly unfortunate characters really get put through the TV wringer.
On the occasion of Friday the 13th, we came up with the “unlucky 13” current TV characters below, a variety of put-upon men and women who’ve dealt with all manner of adversity. From sourpuss boyfriends who draw them into shootouts, to sexual partners who turn up dead…. From season-ending odysseys that mangle limbs, to good ol’ fashioned rebar in unfortunate places…. Bad luck comes in many shapes and sizes.
Review the unlucky 13 we drummed up below, then share your own picks for CURRENT TV CHARACTERS who just cannot catch a break.
Chimney, 9-1-1
Watched his brother die in a fire; got a rebar stuck in his skull, for which he was placed in a medically induced coma (and his then-girlfriend Tatiana wouldn’t even visit him in the hospital); got stabbed by his new girlfriend Maddie’s abusive ex-husband; got kidnapped and tortured, including having his heart stopped multiple times, by a serial killer posing as a paramedic; got amnesia on his wedding day after contracting viral encephalitis and ended up having to get married in a hospital bed; nearly died after contracting Congo-Crimean Hemorrhagic Fever; and blamed himself for Bobby’s death. That’s all.
Elizabeth, 1923
The transplanted city girl faced a host of escalating affronts in the wilds of Montana, including miscarrying, getting attacked by a wolf and enduring painful rabies shots afterward. And she survived all of it… only to become a widow by the end of the series
Joe, Dark Winds
For a lawman pushing 60, Joe Leaphorn (played by Zahn McClarnon) has really been put through the physical wringer over the first three seasons. In Season 2, he dragged The Blond Man across miles of snowy terrain whilst nursing a shattered wrist. In Season 3, the “Ye’iitsoh” not only slashed one of Joe’s thighs, but also doped him up bad with a ketamine-laced dart. And then there’s the mental anguish Joe has endured. He has had to re-process his son’s murder again and again; grapple with both leaving BJ Vines to die in Season 2 and the FBI investigation that ensued in Season 3; and watch wife Emma walk (OK, drive) away in response to his questionable decision-making. Here’s to a shinier and happier Season 4!
Maggie, FBI
Just off the top of our head, Special Agent Bell (played by Missy Peregrym) has been trapped in a van that was set on fire; had an exploded stairwell collapse on her; and nearly died this past season — at least once. She has also watched a visiting best friend suddenly die from an aneurysm, struggled in multiple ways with the prospect of parenthood, and let her most recent chance at romance (with 911 dispatcher Joel) slip through her fingers. Oh, and did we mention Season 4’s incredibly harrowing sarin gas scare! Simply said, she is #TheFBIs’ No. 1 drama magnet — but we’d frankly have it no other way?
