From the beginning of the series, The Sopranos was always more about psychology, philosophy, and generational trauma than it was about crime and the inner workings of the mafia. The classic HBO show devoted considerable time to Tony’s sessions with his therapist, Dr. Melfi, exploring how he views the world and justifies the terrible things he does. While the focus is generally on the head of the New Jersey mob, the entire cast had important moments of character development that revealed who they were. Like her husband, Carmela Soprano’s most important moment came during a therapy session that, while quietly understated, marked the turning point for her character.
Carmela had a few meetings with Dr. Melfi over the course of the series, joining Tony for couple’s therapy and having a one-on-one session after her husband was shot by Uncle Junior. It was her single appointment with her own therapist, however, that revealed who she truly was. In a span of only a few minutes, the underrated character, Dr. Krakower stripped away her defenses and excuses, exposing her as being just corrupt and morally repugnant as Tony and forcing her to admit it, at least temporarily, to herself.
Dr. Krakower Refused to Let Carmela Off the Hook
From the beginning of The Sopranos, Carmela fit the archetype of the “mob wife.” Unconnected to the actual criminal enterprise and blissfully unaware of the details of her husband’s work, she was still fully aware of the life he led and happily benefited from it. She lived in a large house, bought whatever she wanted, sent her children to nice schools, and enjoyed prestige and status within her small community. Still, she worked hard to convince herself and others that she was, herself, innocent and didn’t condone Tony’s lifestyle. When Meadow and Tony left for several days to tour colleges during the first season, Father Intintola came to the house, and Carmela expressed guilt about what her husband did and a desire to see him change. She would continue this trend for years to come. Dr. Krakower, however, refused to let her get away with it for once.
When Carmela tries to say that Tony is a good man and a good father, he reminds her that she previously described him as a professional criminal, controlled by rage, and constantly cheating on her. When she tries to claim that she’s not an “accomplice” to his activities, he suggests that she is, at the least, an “enabler.” When she explains that her priest has encouraged her to help Tony become a better person, he wryly asks, “How’s that going?” In minutes, he skillfully strips away all of Carmela’s self-delusions and confronts her with the full truth of her situation.
Even more powerful than his words is the example Dr. Krakower sets for Carmela through his actions. When she brings up payment, he quickly tells her that he won’t be accepting money for her session. When she expresses surprise, he explains that he won’t take “blood money.” He knows where Tony’s, and thus Carmela’s, money comes from, and he refuses to profit, even indirectly, from the violence and suffering the mafia causes. He shows her what it means to be a truly good and principled person and urges her to do the same. His concluding advice is that she take her kids and leave for good, never taking money from Tony again and living an honest life.
Dr. Krakower’s final line to Carmela is, perhaps, one of the most powerful of the entire series. After offering his counsel, he concludes with the words, “One thing you can never say, that you haven’t been told.” Having stripped away the lies and rationalizations, he confronts her with the ultimate truth. She knows who Tony is and what he does. She can no longer pretend she doesn’t see it or thinks he can change. From that moment on, staying with him represents a choice on her part to profit from his crimes just as he does.
Carmela’s Turning Point Came Immediately After Her Meeting
The session with Dr. Krakower leaves Carmela shaken and plainly depressed. The next time the audience sees her, she is lying on the sofa, appearing defeated. For a brief moment, it looks as if she may have been moved by the meeting and is considering changing her life. She is distant towards Tony and appears introspective. What follows, however, shows Carmela for who she truly is. Her conversation with Tony marks the culmination of her character arc and her final turning point.
Earlier in the episode, Carmela had lunch with a dean at Columbia University, where Meadow goes to school. The dean pressured Carmela to donate $50,000 to the university, and, wanting to give her daughter every benefit possible and to fit in with the elite of the Ivy League school, she asked Tony to give her the money. He refused, and the conversation was quickly dropped. However, after her conversation with Dr. Krakower, Carmela raises the issue again and insists that Tony give her the money.
Telling Tony “you gotta do something nice for me today,” she refuses to accept less than $50,000 and presses him until he relents. While seeming like a minor exchange in the grand scheme of things, coming immediately after the meeting with Dr. Krakower, it represents Carmela’s conscious choice to accept her complicity in her husband’s crimes. Having just been told that everything Tony gives her is “blood money,” she pushes him for more. After years of lying to herself, she knowingly sells her soul for $50,000 and a place for her daughter at a prestigious school.
This is the moment that Carmela reveals herself to be just as corrupted as any of The Sopranos’ gangsters. She may not engage in the crimes personally, but she knowingly benefits from them. She may claim ignorance or guilt but, having been confronted with reality, she chose to recommit to her lifestyle. As Dr. Krakower said, after that point, she could no longer claim she hadn’t “been told.”
The Sopranos Presented Therapy as a Double-Edged Sword
In many ways, the scene between Carmela and Dr. Krakower encapsulates the entire series. The Sopranos consistently presented therapy as something that could be good or bad, depending on the circumstances. While it can be a great tool for healing for people who have experienced trauma or are experiencing mental health struggles, it can also be used to excuse or justify poor behavior and help some to evade responsibility for their actions.
Throughout the series, Tony learns to justify his criminal behavior by pointing to his parents and his childhood. He expresses regret about his past but never tries to actually change or become a better person. Likewise, Carmela uses the language of psychology, speaking of setting boundaries and internalizing issues, to cover for the choices she makes. When Dr. Krakower first pushes against her excuses, she claims that therapists aren’t supposed to judge, suggesting that he should simply be trying to make her feel better about her life. He explicitly states that that’s the problem with modern therapy and that it has made society worse. This is one of the central messages of The Sopranos.
The Sopranos certainly doesn’t condemn psychology or therapy, but it does suggest that it can be abused by those who simply want to be absolved of their sins. Carmela, through her discussions with her priest and with therapists, does just this for several seasons. Through both religion and science, she tries to earn forgiveness without changing her life. Dr. Krakower forces her to finally see that she can never see herself as a good person without fundamentally changing her life. At the moment of truth, however, like her husband, she chooses wealth instead and accepts that she is a bad person and will never change.
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