All In The Family: 12 Best Archie Bunker Quotes
Archie Bunker wasn’t always the nicest guy, but he gave fans plenty of great lines over the years. Here are his best quotes from All in the Family.
The term “lovable bigot” might seem a tad counterproductive, but there is perhaps no better title for Hauser Street’s own Archie Bunker. Before TV executives cracked down on content, there was no telling what this man was charged to say. Although most of his dialogue has aged poorly with the cultural shifts, there are still some nuggets of Bunker wisdom that are absolutely hysterical.
“Somebody’s Gotta Be Dead, That’s Life”
Archie isn’t what many would consider a scholar of life, but there’s something incredibly philosophical about this little gem. It might be a little crude and abrasive, but there’s no denying that there’s some truth to his statement. He might not be Mufasa, but there’s something very “Circle of Life” going on here.
“Gonna Take All Of My Thinking And All Of My Consecration”
One of Archie’s most frequently-used skills is his uncanny ability to misconstrue words and terms with a flaming passion and yet still get the idea across perfectly. He will use the completely wrong term or descriptor in his logic and yet believe in his heart of hearts that he is 101% percent right.
“Entertainment’s A Thing Of The Past, Now We Got Television”
At first glance, this is a complete and purposeful joke and jab using Archie’s way of thinking to criticize network TV. It was more likely directed as a well-written inside joke between the cast and producers, nothing really deeper than that, at least not at first. It’s one of those quotes that simply altered with the passage of time
“Everyone I Like Stays The Hell Away From Me”
There are many occasions in All in the Family where Archie sums up his whole personality in one single sentence, and while it might be the most verbose, this line does say it all. Archie is a curmudgeon through and through, and there are few quotes more perfectly antisocial than this one.
“God Can Do Anything! He Can Turn Your Jawbone Into An Ass!”
There’s no denying Archie is funny when he’s in a grumpy mood but when religion is thrown into the mix, it’s a whole new ballgame. Once again, Archie’s mincing of terms wins him another golden quote. Like many of his personas, he’ll use his religious conservative beliefs to justify his reasoning. However, sometimes his twisted scriptures end up being absolutely hilarious.
“We’re Just Sweeping Dirty Dishes Under the Rug”
This one’s pretty easy, and this little gem is certainly a good way to get the ball rolling. Archie has the habit of spouting off malapropisms throughout All In The Family’s run, and this one won’t be the only one on the list. A certain amount of wiggle room can be permitted here, but mostly because he’s only half right.
“Don’t Draw Me No Diaphragms”
The English language is a wonderful thing, but Archie has the habit of absolutely smashing through it like a wrecking ball. Although a misuse of the word, it does have a humorous context. The quote happens during an exchange of dialogue between Mike and Archie when Mike brings up the subject of pelvic construction. Simple, but not for Archie.
“The Lord Might Be Smilin’ On The Sheeps, But They Still Wind Up As Lambchops”
Here’s a little saying from the show that actually might have a little truth to it as well as a twisted sense of humor. It may or may not be up for interpretation, but this might be Archie’s way of saying “this too shall pass.” Deranged, yet deep.
“Patience Is A Virgin”
Although the correct phrase would be “patience is a virtue,” there’s most certainly a mixed metaphor here. Not to say that Archie would know the traditions of the Catholic faith, just ask him his thoughts about Irene Lorenzo. But this might be a play on “patient as a novice/nun.”
“Poifect English”
Irony is a wonderful thing. Archie’s brutal butchering of the English lexicon has already been addressed, but there’s one quote that not only takes the cake but is so beautifully ironic that it deserves a standing ovation, especially when in front of a live audience. This spew of verbal madness is certainly an absolute favorite.
“Your Own Privates”
“What ya do in the privacy of your own room is your own privacy.” Can something be so wrong it actually sounds correct? Depending on the mind’s proximity to the gutter, this is one of Archie’s best uses of verbal confusion.
“We Better Not, Ya Know, Kill Our Chickens Before They Cross The Road”
More than likely, this is Archie Bunker’s take on counting one’s chickens before they hatch. Similar to his previously mentioned quote about sheep and lamb chops, this is another dose of twisted humor with a nugget of wisdom hidden inside. Honestly, this line does have some merit and application potential.
