10 Reasons to Get Excited for Fifty Shades Darker
1. The soundtrack. Nothing is confirmed yet, of course, but look at what the first movie hath wrought. An Oscar nomination for The Weeknd! An amazing Beyoncé remix! A pretty sick Annie Lennox cover of “I Put a Spell on You,” not technically made for the movie but featured prominently in the opening! The chances that the music will be worth the price of the movie ticket are high, is what I’m saying.
2. Another round of stilted press interactions between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan. It’s not that they don’t like each other, it’s that he had to start shooting this naked sex movie approximately one minute after his wife had a baby. Maybe the lack of newborn will make them less awkward together, but it seems doubtful. Bring on the junkets!
3. The presence of Tyler Hoechlin. His character Boyce Fox doesn’t even appear in person in the books, so one can only assume that producers added Tyler in because (1) he’s extremely good-looking and (2) they’re setting up some more flirtation opportunities for Ana and men who aren’t named Christian Grey. This can only be good for business, and by business I mean my eyes.
4. The presence of Leila. Spoiler alert if you haven’t read the book, but Leila is here to stir shit up. You think you’re so cute with your little cardigans, Anastasia, biting your lip and driving Christian crazy? Think again. Also, install some security locks on your bedroom windows.
5. The presence of Jack Hyde. This movie has more villains than an episode of Game of Thrones, and Jack Hyde is one of the worst. Watching him get into a fight with Christian is going to be amazing. Also of note: He’s played by Eric Johnson, who will forever live in my mind as Whitney,
the football bro who kept Lana from Clark Kent for so long on Smallville.
6. Kim Basinger. As Christian’s ex-domme Elena Lincoln aka Mrs. Robinson, in what is definitely this movie’s most perfect casting choice yet. They should just go ahead and give her a spin-off right now.
7a. The irrational but narrow hope that there will be full-frontal penis in this movie. It probably won’t happen, but anything is possible. Keep the dream alive! And settle for butt if you have to.
7b. Jamie Dornan giving more interviews about his penis pouch. There can’t possibly be anything left to say, but if there is, some intrepid reporter will find out. Maybe they’ll have changed pouch models for this film, or maybe he’ll have some kind of dick slip that he mentions in every single men’s magazine interview he ever does for the rest of his life. Stay tuned!
8. An explanation for why Ana is wearing Uggs in this photo. Because it’s gotta be good. There’s no way personal shopper Caroline Acton allowed those into Escala.
9. Behind-the-scenes articles where crewmembers not so subtly imply that E L James is hard to work with. She was notoriously “hands-on” during the first movie, to the point that director Sam Taylor-Johnson said she was “difficult” (Sam is not returning for the sequels). Finding out which minor script changes became major battles will be half the fun.
10. It might not be boring. No matter how much you enjoyed the first movie, it’s hard to deny that the plot can be summed up with “So are these two gonna date or what?” But this one has Christian’s ex-lovers, guns, tire slashings, and a whole slew of new men trying to steal Ana from Mr. Grey. There might actually be … conflict? And Ben Wa balls.
