The “Twilight” franchise is beloved by fans, but even the most dedicated among us realize there are some rather cringey, ridiculous aspects to the series.
In honor of the 15th anniversary of “Twilight,” we looked back at the most absurd parts of the movie and its sequels via a candid Slack conversation one recent afternoon.
Let’s get into it.
We’ve only recently realized how heavy-handed the abstinence propaganda was
Bella’s virginity is a major talking point in the later movies. In “Eclipse,” Edward tells her that he’ll turn her into a vampire if she agrees to marry him. Meanwhile, Bella’s condition for marriage is to have sex with him while she’s still human. Even though Edward warns her that it’s too dangerous and he might end up hurting (or worse, killing) her, Bella is firm in her stance. They reach a compromise in which they have sex during their honeymoon, which occurs before Bella becomes a vampire.
Why do they keep going to high school? That’s so weird
To avoid raising suspicions about their ageless appearances, the Cullen family relocates to new towns every couple of years. The younger they start in a new place, the longer they can stay there, Edward explains to Bella in the first film. Because of this, the vampires repeat high school over and over, accumulating an extensive collection of graduation caps in the process.
The way they interact with the weather is confusing
In the world of “Twilight,” vampires’ skin sparkles in the sunlight. Because of this, the Cullens don’t show up to school when it’s sunny. It’s also why they choose to live in the small town of Forks, Washington, which is constantly rainy and overcast.
Justice for Rosalie
Rosalie Hale comes off as unfriendly and cold, particularly to Bella, early in the franchise. It’s not until “Eclipse” that Rosalie explains where she’s coming from and shares her tragic backstory.
Before becoming a vampire, Rosalie has a perfect life and is in a relationship with Royce King, the most eligible bachelor in town. One night, while walking home, Royce, drunk and hanging out with his friends, sexually assaults her in the street and leaves her beaten on the ground to die. Carlisle finds her nearly dead and saves her. As a vampire, Rosalie gets her revenge on Royce and his friends by killing them one by one.
Speaking of Rosalie, she deserved a better power
Some vampires have special abilities. In the Cullen clan, Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future, and Jasper Hale can control emotions. In the movies, the rest of the family — Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie — don’t have any special skills beyond the beauty and strength that all vampires acquire automatically when they’re turned. (Although Emmett’s strength and Rosalie’s beauty are heightened more than the other vampires.)
Carlisle was literally playing god
Dr. Carlisle Cullen is the patriarch of the Cullen family who turned Edward, Esme, and Rosalie into vampires as a last resort when he found them on the brink of death. He also previously lived with the Volturi, an old and powerful vampire family, for several decades.
The timeline of Edward and Bella’s relationship is too fast and intense to be a realistic foundation for a long-term relationship
It’s March 2010 when Bella transfers to Forks High School while students are in the middle of the semester. Like Edward, the 17-year-old is in her junior year. Within what appears to be approximately two months, they fall in love, Bella gets to know the Cullens, and nearly gets murdered by the film’s villain, James (Cam Gigandet), shortly before prom.
Bella turns 18 in “New Moon,” set during her senior year. In the books, her birthday is September 13. Shortly after her birthday, Edward disappears and doesn’t reconnect with Bella until seven months later, in March 2011. Bella and Edward’s wedding is on August 13, 2011, a month before her 19th birthday. Bella becomes pregnant during their honeymoon, and their hybrid vampire/human child Renesmee is born shortly after.
The Renesmee and Jacob plotline will never make sense
Edward Cullen and Bella Swan’s vampire/human hybrid baby Renesmee is born in “Breaking Dawn — Part 1,” and Jacob immediately imprints on the newborn when they lock eyes for the first time. In the franchise, imprinting is an involuntary response that goes beyond a crush or infatuation. It’s a form of love in which a werewolf finds their soulmate and is forever bound to them by fierce loyalty and protectiveness.
Renesmee ages at an accelerated rate, and a vision from Alice Cullen shows Renesmee and Jacob happily together in the future, appearing more similar in age, but it’s still uncomfortable seeing teenage Jacob constantly by the side of a little girl in “Breaking Dawn — Part 2.”
Team Jacob vs. Team Edward gave us two really bad options
The first “Twilight” film centers on Bella and Edward’s romance. But in the 2009 sequel “New Moon,” in Edward’s absence, Bella finds comfort in Jacob. In “Eclipse,” the love triangle comes to a boiling point as Bella eventually acknowledges that she loves both men. Regardless of her feelings for Jacob, Bella chooses Edward.
