Edith loved Archie but didn’t agree with him.
Sometimes, when we love someone, we have to quite willfully ignore parts of them. Sure, the healthiest relationships grow and evolve. But we can’t force people to change. Love can also mean accepting people for who they are. Depending on the relationship dynamics, this can mean putting on blinders to some of the less-savory aspects of the person we love.
Edith Bunker is a perfect example of this particular phenomenon. She loves her husband, Archie. But she also disagrees, vehemently, with a lot what he says. This doesn’t mean she’s weak, or that she’s cast her beliefs aside. In fact, Edith’s core credence is all the stronger for being tested by her partner every day. Her resolve is on display every time she stands in opposition to her husband.
This isn’t just some invented character trait; Norman Lear based his behavior on his mother. Edith was a counterpoint to Archie the way Mrs. Lear contrasts with the patriarchal family.
Jean Stapleton, who plays Edith, needed a little guidance when it came to approaching the constant spousal reckoning in the Bunker household.
According to Geoffrey Cowan’s 1979 book about censorship on TV, See No Evil, Stapleton asked series producer Norman Lear: “How do you tune out?” She needed to know how Edith could accept the love she had for Archie while not bending to his more arch views.
“You pretend that you are the middle sister of the Andrews Sisters,” said Lear. “You are singing ‘Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree’ or something, and that’s all that is going through your head. It keeps you from hearing the things you don’t want to hear.”
The real-life Mrs. Lear, Norman’s mother, who was still alive at the time, was a living example of this marital ability to overlook. Apparently, at the time the book was published, Mrs. Lear couldn’t remember her husband ever telling her to “stifle” herself, even though the famous line was based on Norman Lear’s memories of his father. It just goes to show the lengths we can go to see our loved ones the way we want to.
