Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance’s Falling Out: The Truth Behind the ‘I Love Lucy’ Feud and How They Healed the ‘Wedge’
The chemistry between Lucille Ball’s Lucy Ricardo and Vivian Vance’s Ethel Mertz is the stuff of television legend. For six seasons on I Love Lucy, they were the quintessential sidekicks and best friends: two women plotting, dreaming, and failing spectacularly together. Their bond was the comedy engine of the show, but off-screen, their relationship was a far more complex, and at times, painful affair.
While the two women developed an extraordinary, lifelong friendship rooted in mutual respect, their time together was marked by periods of intense strain, fueled not by professional rivalry, but by the relentless pressures and power structures of Old Hollywood—pressures that Vivian Vance would later famously summarize: “We let these men put a wedge between us.”
The untold story of the Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance falling out is a poignant reflection of the struggles women faced in the early years of television, and a powerful testament to the enduring bond that ultimately prevailed.
The Perfect Partnership, The Rocky Start
When Vivian Vance arrived at the audition for I Love Lucy, she was an accomplished stage actress with a strong personality. Lucille Ball, however, had initially wanted either Bea Benaderet or her close friend Barbara Pepper for the role of Ethel Mertz. Producers, who saw the undeniable spark between Ball and Vance during the audition, insisted on Vance.
The initial tension was rooted in two areas: creative control and image.
1. The Image Battle: The Age Gag
One of the most persistent sources of strain was Vance’s on-screen pairing with William Frawley (Fred Mertz). At just 42 when the show premiered, Vance was only two years older than Ball but was cast as the wife of the much older Frawley, who was 64. Vance felt this significant age gap was personally humiliating, forcing her to play an older, frumpier character than she was in real life. This was compounded by rumors (which Vance and Ball later debunked as a playful joke) that her contract included a weight clause ensuring she remained heavier than the famously svelte Ball.
Vance’s constant vocal displeasure about the age difference—referring to Frawley as “that old man”—was overheard by Frawley, launching the legendary, and very real, animosity between the Mertz actors.
2. The Power Dynamic: Lucy and Desi’s Influence
While Vance and Frawley’s feud provided a constant, uncomfortable tension on set, the real “wedge” between Vance and Ball was, indirectly, the men in charge: the show’s creator, producer, and the one holding the purse strings, Desi Arnaz.
Lucille Ball was not just the star; with Desi, she was the co-owner of Desilu Productions, giving her unprecedented power. Vivian Vance, despite her vital role, was an employee. This inherent power imbalance meant that while Lucy and Ethel were equals on-screen, Ball held all the control off-screen.
As their friendship deepened, both women were also dealing with troubled marriages. Desi Arnaz’s frequent infidelities and Lucille Ball’s public and private heartbreak were a constant source of stress. Vance, who had her own personal and mental health struggles, often bore the brunt of Ball’s moods, especially when the lines between personal stress and professional demand blurred.
The Wedge: Frawley, Arnaz, and The Press
The fallout between the two women was not a single dramatic event, but an accumulation of workplace pressures, compounded by the media.
1. The Fred Mertz Factor
The bitter, two-decade-long feud between Vance and Frawley necessitated Ball’s constant mediation. Frawley, who would retaliate against Vance’s insults by ad-libbing lines about Ethel’s weight or appearance, created a toxic atmosphere. Ball was often forced to choose sides, and as the boss’s wife, her primary loyalty lay with keeping the show running smoothly—which often meant appeasing Frawley, the difficult but established actor. The Mertz feud became an inescapable friction that made the set a less-than-joyful place for Vance, putting distance between her and Ball.
2. The Business of Desilu
The show’s success eventually led to The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour specials and later, The Lucy Show. When Ball transitioned to her next series after her divorce from Desi, she desperately needed Vance to return, and Vance agreed—on the condition she could play a glamorous character named “Vivian” closer to her true self.
However, the shadow of Desi and the pressure of the Desilu machine—which Ball continued to run—always loomed. Vance saw how the industry dismissed her outside of the “Ethel” role and resented the power structures that seemed to diminish her value unless she was standing directly next to Ball.
The Reconciliation: The Confession and the Finale
Despite the long periods of tension and resentment, the comedic soulmates never truly severed their bond. Their fighting was the kind of volatile honesty only true friends can share.
In a now-famous story often cited by their mutual friends and family, the two women were in the makeup room, not speaking to each other due to a recent disagreement. Ball criticized a line reading Vance gave. Vance, admitting the note was correct, asked why Ball didn’t tell her earlier. Ball famously replied, “Well, we weren’t speaking, and I’d be damned if I’d tell you!” They both broke down laughing, and the ice was broken.
The true healing, however, came years later, after the main series had ended, and after Ball and Arnaz had divorced. Free from the influence of their husbands and the pressures of Desilu, their friendship flourished.
It was during this time that Vance, reflecting on the challenges of their career together, made her powerful statement, which has been cited by biographers:
“We let these men put a wedge between us.”
Vance acknowledged that the conflicts—the image issues, the on-set tensions with Frawley, and the fallout from Desi’s actions—were all rooted in the patriarchal structure of the industry that pitted them against each other, rather than the women themselves.
The final, heartbreaking chapter of their friendship came in August 1979. Vance was terminally ill with bone cancer. Ball flew to Vance’s home in California to say her final goodbye. Paige Peterson, a young woman who was close to Vance at the time, witnessed the farewell.
Peterson recalled hearing laughter, followed by deep sobbing. When Lucille Ball left, she was reportedly “in tears” and “couldn’t speak,” devastated by the impending loss of her friend. Ball’s daughter, Lucie Arnaz, later confirmed her mother’s profound grief, saying Ball “cried about losing Viv for months.”
Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance were more than co-stars; they were pioneers who struggled against the suffocating expectations of their time. They fought, not because they hated each other, but because the system they worked in made it incredibly difficult for two powerful, passionate women to exist in partnership. Their ultimate reconciliation, marked by the shared laughter and tears of their final meeting, proves that the magic of Lucy and Ethel was built on a foundation of real, complicated, and everlasting love.
