Are these products getting you in the mood?
With E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey finally hitting the big-screen on Valentine’s Day weekend, it’s not surprising that plenty of companies want to get in on the money-making action by spicing up a few of their products. Still, there’s almost no excuse for some of these bizarre — and downright ridiculous — tie-ins.
Here are seven that will have you shaking your head.
7. Hot Topic’s “Laters, Baby” Tights
As if Christian Grey’s “Laters baby” phrase isn’t embarrassing enough, you can now advertise it on your legs.
6. Vermont Teddy Bear’s Christian Grey Bear
Because nothing screams sexy like a teddy bear. The limited-edition “Fifty Shades of Grey Bear” — which is of course dressed as Christian Grey — comes in a grey suit and includes a satin tie, a mask and even mini handcuffs. And don’t forget the “smoldering eyes” … How does a teddy bear even have smoldering eyes?!
5. Fifty Shades of Chicken cookbook
This cookbook’s naughty recipes include “Dripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, Holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and more, more, more!” Enough said. Not a fan of chicken? Try Fifty Shades of Bacon, complete with bacon shaped like a tie.
4. Crunch’s “WHIPPED: 50 Shades of Fitness” Class
If you want to get “whipped” into shape, Crunch gym is hosting a one-time-only fitness class called “WHIPPED: 50 Shades of Fitness,” on Thursday, Feb. 12. The S&M fitness lesson incorporates “sexy-time toys, body bars for balance and endurance exercises and a dominatrix to make sure you do as you’re told.” Seems like a super-awkward time.
3. Walmart’s Fifty Shades of Grey Gourmet Gift Basket
This is $70?! Walmart’s Fifty Shades of Grey-themed gift basket includes chrome-plated metal double lock handcuffs, an eye mask — and in case you’re hungry — a Hot Tamales “Untamed Love” theater size box and Twizzlers Strawberry Twists. They thought of everything!
2. Surf Laundry’s “Fifty Shades of Surf” Detergent
Turns out you can even make laundry dirty. Surf’s “Fifty Shades of Surf” liquid powder is infused with rose, jasmine and sandalwood — evocative scents that Surf promises will bring a “touch of naughtiness” to the bedroom. We doubt it.
1. Squiggly Boo’s “Mommy Read 50 Shades of Grey” Onesie.
This one is just wrong. Squiggly Boo’s bright yellow Fifty Shades-inspired onesie reads, “9 months ago mommy read 50 Shades of Grey.” Cute just became creepy.
If these products aren’t enough to get you in the mood, check out some steamy Fifty Shades of Grey sneak peeks ahead of this Friday’s big release.
