While filming the emotionally intense Fifty Shades series, Jamie Dornan kept a private journal to help him channel the complex psyche of Christian Grey. The existence of this journal remained under wraps for years—until a former cast member anonymously leaked excerpts that shocked fans and crew alike.
In the entries, Jamie reflects not just on his character’s motivations, but on his personal struggle to separate fiction from reality. One haunting line reads, “It’s Christian speaking, but I can’t deny how much of me wants to say the same to her.”
He writes about their first kissing scene: “She looked at me like she was really Ana, like she trusted me with everything. That moment haunted me all night.” Other entries hint at personal confusion, with lines like, “I can’t tell when it stops being Christian and starts being me.”
One particular note after filming the elevator scene says, “Still shaking. We did something that doesn’t belong to fiction anymore.” The journal reveals how deeply Jamie internalized the story—and how that blurred his real emotions toward Dakota.
He never intended for anyone to read those pages. But once they surfaced, speculation exploded. Did Dakota ever read them? According to a source close to the actress, “She heard about it but never commented. It would have changed everything.”
The journal sheds light on how much Jamie struggled during filming. The role, while career-defining, came at a price. And the emotional intensity he brought to Christian Grey may have been rooted in real vulnerability—and perhaps, unspoken affection.
