Although some aspects of the movies haven’t aged well at all, unintentionally funny Twilight quotes keep fans laughing all these years later.
The Twilight Saga may have ended a long time ago, but interest in it has never fully waned, and opinions about it have changed and evolved over the years. While the story was quite melodramatic, there were also a lot of intentional comedic moments, thanks to the abundance of hilarious scenes and lines delivered mostly by the main characters.
An Odd Metaphor
“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
What a stupid lamb.
What a sick, masochistic lion.”
Despite the outrageous success of the Twilight book series, fans and detractors alike have admitted that some of Stephenie Meyer’s writing just sounds incredibly awkward and unnatural. And nothing could have made that clearer than when this quote was translated to the screen.
A Weird Pet Name
“You better hold on tight spider monkey.”
Edward often speaks about how he has been alone for so long, but if this is how he normally flirts with girls, it’s not hard to understand why he couldn’t find romance before meeting Bella. It’s not unusual for couples to have cute, animal-based nicknames for one another, but “spider monkey” is both oddly specific and not exactly the cutest choice when referring to your new girlfriend.
You Are My Sunshine
“My Hands Are Freezing. Must Be Nice Never Getting Cold.
It’s A Wolf Thing.
No, It’s A Jacob Thing, You Could Be Like Your Own Sun.”
When Jacob decided to teach Bella how to drive a motorbike, the weather was not the most pleasant, to say the least. Naturally, Bella points this out as she is slowly starting to freeze.
That Really Should Matter Though
“I’m Designed To Kill.
I Don’t Care.
I’ve Killed People Before.
It Doesn’t Matter.”
One of the most famous scenes from the first movie in the saga is the one where Bella confronts Edward about his true nature yet another time, and Edward finally gives in and decides to tell her the truth.
Losing A Loved One
“Come Back To Me, Please, Baby.”
The moment Bella got pregnant (which is supposedly impossible), everyone realized that it wasn’t going to end up well. Unsurprisingly, the birth of Renesmee was very difficult for Bella, who almost died during the process.
Google Product Placement
“Are You Going To Tell Me How You Stopped The Van?”
Yeah. Um… I Had An Adrenaline Rush. It’s Very Common. You Can Google It.”
Before Edward finally confessed to Bella who he really is, she had to nag him about it for a very long time. After all, she was very interested by the guy who had seemed vacillating hot-and-cold feelings for her, yet saved her life.
Unwanted Contact
“I Kissed Bella. And She Broke Her Hand. Punching My Face. It Was A Complete Misunderstanding.”
The scene where Jacob kisses Bella and she punches him in the face has been meme many times at this point. At that moment, her face was contorted while Jacob was aimlessly running around without a single idea of what he should do next.
New Love
“About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”
Bella and Edward are arguably obsessed with one another to an unhealthy degree, and they are not shy about vocalizing their incredibly flowery feelings for one another. But this narration by Bella was especially cringe, and honestly a little odd.
Addicted To You
“My Family, We’re Different From Others Of Our Kind. We Only Drink Animal Blood, But It’s Your Scent. It’s Like A Drug To Me. It’s Like You’re My Own Personal Brand Of Heroin.”
Once Edward told Bella about his true nature, he also dumped some expositions on her about his family and the world of vampires. Surprise – they are vampire vegetarians!
Naturally Warm
“Let’s Face It, I Am Hotter Than You.”
Bella is not the only one constantly pointing out the fact that Edward is extremely cold and Jacob is extremely hot. Jacob notices it too (and Edward is probably somewhat insecure about it).
Sparklepires
“This Is What I Am.
It’s Like Diamonds.”
The moment Stephenie Meyer decided to make vampires sparkle in the sun was the moment they became the butt of the numerous jokes still floating around on the internet. It may look beautiful as an idea, but it definitely doesn’t work, especially on screen. And obviously, many observers found the idea of sparkling vampires to be childish and weird.
Strange Love
“Imprinting on someone is like, when you see her, everything changes. All of a sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.”
Twilight’s author Stephenie Meyer really went out of her way to establish a base mythology that would explain away and rationalize how the nearly adult Jacob would instantly know that a literal newborn baby was the love of his life, but it was all just putting lipstick on a pig.
