Further, A.J. never received consistent guidance or discipline while growing up. Despite his tough-guy demeanor and tendency to talk to Dr. Melfi about his desire to be a strict father, Tony rarely enforces set rules for his son or follows through on punishments. He might get angry and lay down the law for a few days, but he would inevitably get distracted and move on to something else. Further, he never laid down consequences that would truly impact A.J. The young man always had plenty of money to spend and lots of unsupervised time to enjoy it.
Carmela was little better in this regard. After finding out he had been in a fight at school, her chief concern was A.J. paying her back for his ruined shirt rather than discouraging physical altercations or learning what had happened. In later years, she expresses fear about how he will turn out, but she never attempts anything other than throwing money at the problem. When A.J. lies around the house all day and spends his nights in clubs, she gives him money to buy a suit for job interviews. When he suggests he may join the military, she gets Tony to buy him a new car and get him a job in the film industry. Over time, A.J. comes to see, whether consciously or subconsciously, that upsetting his mother will often lead to a windfall for himself.
Tony and Carmela Soprano Discouraged Their Son’s Best Qualities
In addition to inadvertently promoting negative qualities in A.J., Tony and Carmela also regularly discouraged some of his best qualities. While constantly pushing Meadow to achieve academically, they did the exact opposite with their son. They may have lectured him about his grades, but whenever he exhibited real intellectual curiosity, they responded with scorn. When reading philosophy made him question his faith and the meaning of life, Tony reacted with anger and frustration while Carmela insinuated that he was betraying his family’s Catholic heritage. When A.J. became interested in history and sought to debate the morality of European colonialism, Tony again responded with anger along with a rant about the virtues of Christopher Columbus. Carmela, meanwhile, was completely dismissive, showing no interest in engaging in a conversation.
A.J.’s parents also played a large role in suppressing his gentle and kind side. Tony may not have wanted his son to become a gangster and occasionally told A.J. that it was good that he was “a nice guy” but, in word and deed, he constantly sent the message that kindness was weakness and real men were tough and unfeeling. When A.J. grew depressed about his breakup with Blanca, Tony tried to get him to go to strip clubs and hang out with college boys who were running their own gambling ring and beating up other students. Carmela complained about this plan to some degree, but never offered an alternative or reached out to A.J. to comfort him about what he was going through.
Throughout his adolescence, A.J. was encouraged to bury his feelings, avoid thinking for himself, and mask emotional pain with alcohol, drugs, and bad behavior. It’s not surprising, then, that he grew up to be an aimless man with little concern for others. His positive qualities that could have been nurtured were crushed, and his negative qualities became coping mechanisms. This should earn A.J. a bit of sympathy among fans and mitigate those aspects of his character that are so hated.
A.J.’s character arc isn’t just another part of the show, either. In many ways, his fate is at the heart of The Sopranos. From the environment he grew up in and how he turned out, to how Tony views him, A.J. reflects the greatest theme of the show. A.J.’s world is ultimately shaped by generational trauma.
A.J. Soprano Reflects the Primary Theme of the Series
At its core, The Sopranos was an exploration of psychology and the nature of generational trauma. Through numerous conversations between Tony and Dr. Melfi and the examination of his memories, viewers come to see that that mob boss was shaped by his parents and continues to carry the emotional scars of his childhood. His father drew him into the mafia and his mother was a constant source of anxiety in his life. Even as an adult, he continued to struggle with depression because of how he grew up. By the end of the series, Tony seems to have gained some insight into these issues and bears a great deal of anger towards both his parents. Sadly, this doesn’t prevent him from passing on his trauma to the next generation.
Just as Tony was turned into a violent criminal by a violent father and mentally unstable mother, he became a harmful force in the lives of his own children. The destructive views about manhood that he learned from his day, Tony passes on to A.J. Just as he never felt safe in his own home as a child, Tony made his home as an adult emotionally unsafe for his own children. While he managed to avoid some of his parents’ greatest mistakes, he still passed on many of their flaws.
The fate of A.J. stands as Tony’s greatest failure in life and highlights the greatest theme of The Sopranos. While he doesn’t follow his father’s path, A.J. becomes a sad and broken man in his own way and continues a cycle of trauma stretching back generations. If for no other reason, this makes the character undeserving of the hate directed at him.
A.J. certainly isn’t likable, but he was made that way and is deserving of some understanding. He is ultimately a victim in The Sopranos and a symbol of its primary message. As such, the Soprano heir is deserving of greater attention from fans.
